It's The End Of The World As We Know It

If you are reading this, please do yourself a simple favor. Regardless of what you may or may not believe, the fact of the matter is that tomorrow is expected to be a monumental day in history. Absolutely anything, and everything in this world - in this universe - is possible... I don't have any expectations as to what tomorrow might bring. I just know that when I walk out of my door to go about my day, I'm going to leave with a smile on my face, and love in my heart, and whatever happens from there, is meant to be. I urge everyone to do one thing above all things tomorrow, and that is to be good to one another.

Thank-you <3

Before The Year Ends

If I may be so bold as to speak from the heart, I would like a moment of your time to tell you how wonderful I think you are. I am never sure whether or not I express myself enough to the people who are important to me; people who have made me smile, who have made me laugh, and who have been supportive of me when I was unable to do either of those things. That is what this is all about. I love you. Yes, I do. I’m not asking for reciprocation or seeking praise. I simply want you to know that you have improved the quality of my life, and I am sorry that all I can offer you are these words for you deserve much better.

Thank-you. I wish you all the best through the holidays, and in the new year.

<3

Lost In The Woods

It Is The Way

In our life time, there is a question of the way it was, the way it is, and the way it will be. Though these moments both exist, and pass, with elements of unspoken mystery, there is in them a sense of comfort that what we've done, what we're doing, and what we set our sights on, has a purpose. I find myself closer to where I've always wanted to be, with the experiences I've desired in my reach... The journey travelled from unexpected directions. I would say I got lost on my map, but if I didn't get lost I might have never been found. That is the way of life.

2012 was my year of love... It was joyous, and painful.

2013 will be my year of passion... I expect no more or less of it.

You though, should expect a lot more from me. <3

It's Not A Sailboat

I like watching movies. I watch a lot of movies in my down time. I've had a lot of down time lately. In this recent down time period, I've watched quite a few movies. I've learned a few things through this recent period... One of those things is that people who are in love are very fucked up. Like, seriously. I know this from personal experience. The other thing, pertaining specifically to the movie "Mallrats" by Kevin Smith, is that the photo that William can't see after days of starring at it, that everyone immediately identifies as a sailboat, is in fact NOT a sailboat. You know those photos that don't look like anything but strange patterns until you relax your eyes and suddenly see something three dimensional? Yeah, it wasn't a sailboat. I know this because I paused the movie when it showed the photo fullscreen, and relaxed my eyes, and it WASN'T a fucking sailboat. Kevin Smith, you liar! Why couldn't you find an actual stereogram image of a sailboat? That is all for now.

Life, Made Simple.

There are some simple truths to life. One being, the best way to live it is honestly. It is best to be honest to yourself, and to other people. If you hold anything back in the moment then you're letting other forces make decisions that will shape your future... There is nothing wrong with allowing this to happen once in a while, but it is your life, and you should take ownership of it as often as possible. Another simple truth to life, is that you reap what you sow. Whether you're planting seeds of hope or seeds of doubt, whatever you plant has the potential to grow into something greater than you can imagine. It is important in this case to remember to be positive, and live with love. Life is a gift... Your hopes, and dreams, exist somewhere within it. If life sees it fit to send something wonderful your way, accept it, be grateful, and share it with others. If you keep a seed in your pocket, it will never grow. If you tell yourself you don't deserve something, it will escape you, so believe that if anything good comes your way, you've earned it. Another simple truth to life, is that it has beginnings, and ends. Ups, and downs. Joy, and sadness. You can't have any of these things without the other. You can try to simplify your life by removing things from it that make it seem difficult, or scary, and you might even be able to replace them with something less chaotic... The greatest truth to life though, is that it is inside of chaos, it is on the edge of fear, where life is most beautiful.

May you find your chaos. <3

Keep That Chin Up Mother Fuckers

We are everything and nothing! That's right. We're all one, and we're all on our own. The only thing between you and everything else in this world is your decisions, and your reactions to all of the inevitable changes that will occur throughout your life. What am I getting at here? Nothing, as far as it matters. What could my words, the words of one person in this world matter? Nothing to most people, and to some, maybe everything... This is relevant to a conversation I had tonight with a new friend. It is also relevant to the events which transpired earlier in my day, which started off tremendously bad... I think I hurt someone today. Better yet, I'm pretty sure I hurt someone today. I am mostly certain of this because I hurt myself in the process. I did this with words. I did this with good intentions. I did this with a heavy heart. I cried today because of it. Yup, I did. I don't like hurting people. I especially don't like hurting people who mean the world to me. Today however, I hurt one of these people, but if I didn't do it today, I feel I would have hurt them much worse down the road, and myself as well... I almost feel like it was selfish of me, but then if it were, I doubt I would have been so emotional about it, and even still if it was selfish, well maybe I deserve to put myself first once in a while, instead of others, even if putting other people first makes me happy. I have to practice what I preach though, being, "we're no good to other people unless we're good to ourselves"... So, I had to, even though it hurt.

Oh, I'm drunk right now. I wouldn't say it's the reason I'm sharing this, because I'm generally an open book, and I honestly don't give a fuck if it bothers people, because I know that some people respect my honesty, and those are the people that matter. So yeah, I'm drunk because I decided to go out on a friend's suggestion rather than sit at home alone in a state of depression and confusion. It turns out that the friend's suggestion put me in a very intimate venue where my cousin's band was playing. It was nice, connecting with two of my cousins tonight, along with some other very interesting people. It was unexpected. It was eye opening. Despite the dark clouds of inner sorrow, the day turned out to have some silver linings... Despite what I might think of myself sometimes, I'm fucking awesome.

Guess what... You are fucking awesome too. Keep it up.

<3

The Calm After The Storm

The play I rehearsed for several weeks, and performed six times, is now over. It was received very well, and for myself was a great experience. I've rekindled my passion for acting, and find myself missing the process of rehearsals as well as being on stage already after only five days. As much as I feel this way I will be stepping back from the next project the theatre company is doing... It opened up a door to new considerations, and I find myself questioning what comes next... It is scary, exciting, and depressing all at the same time. I feel a little lost... I know I need to focus on developing myself creatively, and professionally... Fuck, it's a big deal though. I know it's a big deal because any moment of change in someone's life is preceded by self doubt, and fear of failure or success... These are the moments where we want to run away, change paths, or cut ties, and do the thing that seems easiest... That isn't forward momentum though, that isn't growth. I can keep climbing, or roll back down the hill... Ugh. Fuck you hill, I'm climbing.

The Calm Before The Storm

Tomorrow night I return to the theatrical stage after a seventeen year absence. I loved being on stage when I was in high school, so what took me so long to get back to doing the things I loved? I could spend days or weeks or more analyzing all of the factors, the moments where I decided to be stagnant, but that would get me nowhere. Instead I'll look at one of the key moments that moved me forward... I jumped out of a fucking airplane! What does that have to do with acting you ask? I took a deep breath, I centered myself, and I took the plunge. I didn't back away. I accepted everything that came with the action. I weighed the pros versus the cons, and I told myself that none of it made a difference. The only things that were important was that I wanted to do it, and that I was going to do it, no matter what it would take. To me, acting is the same. If I could jump out of a plane, I could return to the stage.

Tomorrow night I return to the theatrical stage where we have been rehearsing this play for a few weeks now. "The Death Of Me" is what we'll be running. I play a man named John Adderly, an overly nice guy who finds himself bartering with the Angel of Death for a chance to go back to earth and die in public rather than alone in his apartment where his mother would surely be the one to find him. From there it spirals into something else all together, causing a couple of laughs along the way. My character gets stronger and stronger every time I'm up there, and I have yet to perform in front of a public audience. I can only imagine how much more exciting it will be with the energy of the spectators at the foot of the stage. I'm nervous. I'm excited. I'm ready.

Today... I'll do laundry. I'll read my lines. I'll go for a walk. I'll think about my life. I'll smile. I'll sleep.

<3

Go

To bed. Sometimes you don't need to do anything when you get home other than brush your teeth and pass the fuck out. Scene.

<3

Submerged in the Process

I had a magical moment today... There I was, in a wet suit, floating on my back in ice cold fog covered water, when out of the mist I started to notice butterflies fluttering above me... There were only a few, but I was surprised that there were even any at all. I watched with a distant feeling, with my ears under the water, and my body swaying with the tides. Despite how fucking cold I was at that moment, it was a peaceful experience. The reason I was there was to help a friend shoot a scene for his demo reel... I was a drowned snorkeler out in the middle of the ocean, whom is unable to be resuscitated after being turned over and having vomit cleared from his mouth! My role was miniscule, I just had to look dead (not easy when submerged in ice cold water that creeps into your nostrils and mouth)... It was fun, and very very very, very cold. I was happy to do it though, because I like doing stuff like that, and because this friend took time out of his day to help me rehearse my lines... He too is making a return to acting and this was something he wanted on his demo reel.

This is what needs to be done if you want to get noticed in this business. You got to get your feet wet! Or, in this case, your bones right down to the marrow. If you want to succeed at anything, ladies and gentlemen, you have to immerse yourself in it, submerge yourself completely. Just dive right in! For the next few weeks, I will be rehearsing lines and preparing myself for my return to the stage after a seventeen year absence. I need to prepare myself. In a few hours I will be meeting another friend who will help me with this, the rehearsal process... PROCESS! This is a serious matter when it comes to ones work. What is the best way to remember lines? Simple... Read. Read. Read. Personally, I feel it makes a huge difference to have someone else reading the pages while I stay off book and try to go by memory. Another process I am going to try is recording a slow read through and then playing it back and speaking my lines out ahead of my own voice on the recording. I feel this could help... I feel there are many processes which will be useful, and instead of trying to figure out which one works best for me, I should use a little bit of all of them. There may be something that is useful to my learning process and I wouldn't know it if I just tried to stick with one process... Does that make sense?

I think my brain functions are still a little slow. We did spend quite a bit of time in that water...

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

Yesterday was not the greatest day in the history of me. I found myself meandering about in a disconnected state, for a fair portion of the day... I have a friend in my life who was doing something that went against their character in a specific situation and I felt like I needed to call them out on it, make them accountable, and I did. It didn't go down how I wanted it to, but it went down, and my spirits went down with it. It was upsetting, but doing the right thing isn't guaranteed to produce sunshine and lollipops.

I decided that I needed to make myself busy, that I needed a change of scenery. So, considering that I needed to rehearse some lines, and that I had never been to High Park in the eight years that I've lived in Toronto, I decided to go there and work. I can't say this made me feel much better, but it was nice to be outside, and it was a wonderful discovery... High Park is awesome! I eventually made my way back to my new home (which I will not be settled into until the end of the month when I actually move all of my stuff here), and thought about how much easier this line reading would be if I had a scene reading partner. I tried not to dwell on it for long, so I posted a status update on my Facebook profile about it. Then it happened... I didn't just get people responding and saying they would be happy to help, I started getting phone calls from people I didn't even think would care to help, who said they would love to. It was a good end to an otherwise solitary and lethargic (still somewhat adventurous) day.

I am thankful for the friends I have and have had in my life.
If any of you are reading this right now...
Thanks... I appreciate you.

The Universe Is Listening

You heard me. By "you" I of course meant the few people who will read this. I suppose I, in a double entendre, also meant the universe. Hello, and thank-you kindly for your time.

It has been said that if you truly want something, positive thinking can manifest it into reality. It has been said... Right? I mean, I can't reference this to anything or anyone specific, but is has been said. I'm pretty sure of it. Well, whether it has or not, I am saying it now because I know this to be true. I knew this to be true for many years in fact... Why am I blogging about it tonight then, and why didn't I blog about this years ago? Well, this blog didn't exist years ago for one, and for another, tonight just so happened to be an example of this sort of manifestation.

Over the last few months, I've found myself helping others with line readings for plays, and standing in doing lines with actors on television shows, and it began to stir something inside of me, something that I forgot was there. The joy of entertaining others... The rush of being up on stage and being in time with the other performers... It is an intimate feeling, with both the performers and the audience, and even more with oneself... I have missed this feeling. I had, I suppose at an earlier point in my life, put the thought aside of being an actor and pursuing something else within the entertainment industry because, well, I don't know why? At the time, I wasn't living in Toronto, I had a difficult time finding an agent, and I didn't have any training, nor did I even think to go to school for it... Why? Fear perhaps. I might have been afraid. I had a lot of people who expected me to become a famous Hollywood actor and I put it all aside. Maybe I wasn't sure it was what I wanted, or I thought I was just doing what other people wanted me to because I enjoyed making people happy, or maybe I didn't think I would have a healthy lifelong relationship if I became famous, because who in the business really does? I'm sure there are a few, but very very few, and I feel I really wanted that then... Whatever, I'm rambling now! Anyway... I started to feel like I needed to rekindle my passion for acting, so I told it to the universe. At first, I tried to get some auditions... I ended up landing one, for a part that I didn't fit the description, which I didn't get, though I did impress the panel from what I overheard as I was leaving. From there I landed one other audition which I didn't go to because it was sketchy and my friends were concerned that I would end up drugged, molested, and possibly dead had I shown up to it. Then for a while, there was nothing, nothing except that desire to get back to doing what I used to love doing so much, so I told the universe I wasn't finished yet... Then in happened...

Two nights ago I got a message from a friend who said that a theatre group she works with was looking for a few male actors to be cast in a play scheduled to run six times in November. I was asked to show up and do a reading as the main character in one of the two plays in the production... Tonight, I showed up, and discovered that I wasn't the only person reading for the lead role. There was only one other person, who seemed to be familiar with the production staff of the theatre group. As it turns out he was in other productions of theirs, but I did not think for a second that I wouldn't get the lead role because of that, because the character was almost me. You know me? A nice guy, who in this story dies and asks for a second chance to come back and do things a little better... Yeah, sounds like something I would do. So, I got the part. We read through the script twice... I was a little nervous, but I felt it worked for the character, so I embraced it. What was the worst that could happen? I could die? Not likely, but then if I did I would have at that moment become the best method actor EVER. I am not dead though. No, I am quite alive. I feel good about this... This is just the beginning.

Stay tuned.
<3

ps. Oh yeah, the point... Don't give up on your dreams. Give up on your doubts.

Crazy Notion While Failing To Sleep Comfortably

I have at several points in my life thought it would be an interesting challenge, or experience, to live with no fixed address. You know, throw my stuff into storage for a couple of months, and wander about even if within the city. Why not? $90 a month for a storage unit? $25 membership at a 24/7 gym with showers? I have a bicycle. I could buy a yearly metro pass since I'll be on the move so much. I have a phone that doesn't require an address for billing, as it is drawn from my bank account automatically, so I can check my email and take calls anywhere. I have friends who will let me sleep on their couch once in a while. I have family who will worry immensely and insist that I stay with them and not be a crazy person. The problem there is, I AM a crazy person. I would comply with them once in a while obviously, because I love my family, and the comfort of a home would be undeniably wonderful once in a while. It wouldn't stop me from being a crazy person though...

I wouldn't be doing the work I love right now if I wasn't crazy and didn't take the chances I that I did. So, why stop? Why haven't I done this yet? I think I could get by at $500 a month... Two days of work a month and I'm covered! What would I do with myself though? Well... I suppose I would buy a decent camera and take photos along my walkabouts. Sit at coffee shops and write. Pick up fresh fruits and vegetables from markets. It would suck not having a kitchen, but I could survive on avocado, rice cakes, beef jerky, and other raw foods. When not crashing on couches I could use the gym for a work out, and a quick nap, perhaps? I could be one of those people who you see walk into a park during the day with their sleeping bag for some shut-eye... That could be me! I'll still take as much work as possible, bank the money for a while, and then get myself situated in a nice place.

Hmmm... The winter isn't the best time to start, but it could still work. What have I got to lose?

Jump

If you are perched on the ledge of a tall building right now, contemplating the meaning of life, for some reason reading my blog, then do not comply with the title of today's post. Life might kick you square in the teeth sometimes, or shatter your fragile heart and mind to pieces without warning, but it IS worth living.

A week ago today was maybe one of the best-worst days of my life. Life, as it is, is full of moments that challenge our integrity, our values, our minds, and our hearts, and this day I speak of wasn't short of either four those challenges. My relationship, the longest one I've had to date, which I had considered the healthiest, tenderest, most honest one I've ever had, ended. It was an amicable parting of ways... It was very loving. It was very real. I equate it to jumping out of a plane, which I did four weeks ago. It didn't feel like what it was... I was falling, but it felt like I was flying. One week ago today... I was falling apart inside, but it felt like I was growing. There was an intensity I cannot describe, because I felt like I was in a state of zen, or just overcome with a bewilderment that overwhelmed every other sense in my being that I had no capacity to feel anything else. I was simply amazed at the beauty and honesty that is life.

Jump. What does that mean to me in this moment? It means the same thing it did when I started on the path to pursuing my dreams. We're given opportunities in life to challenge ourselves, to grab onto the tail end of a storm that will hurl us around without compassion or sympathy and possibly leave us hurt, confused, or broken. The goal of course is to succeed, to triumph over fear and adversity, but unless we jump, the only thing we'll be left with is assumptions of what might have been. I've been jumping a lot lately, and why not? We can either jump, or we can continue to dream on...

I'm going to make the best of this month. I'm going to continue jumping... This month hasn't started off so great, but I can make it the best month I've ever had if I persevere through the storm, the waves of emotion, and sail out of it towards something better. I can already say I'm happy with where my life is going, and that I'm pleased to have experienced everything that has happened in the last few weeks the way I have. I've lost a great love, but held onto a dear friend. I've rekindled old friendships and passions. I am creating my life with my own hands. I know what I want, and I am putting it out in the universe. The stars are shining brightly for me.

<3

Something New, Something Else...

It is Thursday morning. I am awake after having not really slept in... I don't often get enough sleep, and when I have the opportunity to sleep in, well I don't always take that either. I heard it said on some sort of television program by some sort of scientific researcher that it is not really possible to "catch up" on lost sleep... I know a lot of people that would argue that. They'd say "Dude, I slept for an extra few hours last night and I feel MUCH better"... Seriously? Of course you would, you didn't sleep enough for the few days preceding it, your body was tired, but you didn't undo the lack of sleep from the days before. Think of it this way... The sleep that you didn't get, was in the past... You can't catch up to the past, it has to catch up to you... Anyway, it is Thursday morning, and I am awake after having not really slept in...

My arms are sore, still, from Tuesday. My personal trainer really had me do a number on myself... This is the first time I've been this sore from one of my sessions. My arms are so tight right now I could deflect bullets... I hope not to prove that however. I am okay with the pain, it is a good pain... My heart (oh woe is me) is still a little bit sore, but also much stronger at the moment... My relationship did fall apart last week, but it came back together. The friendship part of it has grown, and the relationship part of it, well, is still somewhat fragile... Whatever happens at this point, whether it hurts or not, like my strength training, will be for the better. I'll just have to take chances and hope for the best...

Speaking of chances, I'm going to be jumping from an airplane in four weeks... August 11th. I'll be strapped to a professional because they don't let amateurs jump on their own for a free fall, which would be awesome, but it will still be a great live experience, even if there is a possibility that it will be the last thing I experience. I of course hope that it won't be the last thing I experience! There are many great experiences that life has to offer... My advice to you, is to jump at them whenever you get the chance.

<3

Dreaming Life Away

I wanted to stay in bed today. I wanted to sleep. Dreamland is the place where I can be anyone I want to be and go anyplace I wish to go, and it doesn't cost anything at all... I decided I would get out of bed though. Why? Well, as much as I consider myself a dreamer, I'm quite realistic, and I know that the only thing staying in bed alone will result in is me becoming extremely lethargic and slightly more depressed. That aside, my life outside of the comfort of my bed is actually quite good, and I don't want to let it pass with my head nuzzled into a pillow.

"How is it good?" I had to ask myself this morning at that moment I considered dragging myself out of bed... You know, it wasn't that easy to think about. I thought about all of the fantastical projects I want to work on, all of the things I want to create, some of which keep bouncing around in limbo and might some day be lost with my mind forever, and others that are slowly materializing, and I realized that creating for myself is something that wasn't the most important thing to me... I realized that what I've always wanted to do the most was help other people create, to be a muse, and to be immersed in social circles where I could thrive with creative people, and I'm very much doing that with my life. I'm living part of my dream... That I thought, is awesome. That I thought, was a great reason to get out of bed. I can be a muse, and I can even create something for myself, or do something good for myself today with my free time. So, I got out of bed...

"How could it be better?" I had to ask myself as my feet touched down on the floor... This was even more difficult. I thought I knew how it could be better, the answer was simple, I could be in love... Fact of the matter is, I am in love, and am loved in return it would seem, but it is over now. I've never missed someone's face so much, and have been so emotional sporadically through the day... It has only been two days since my relationship ended but it feels like much longer. I could have stayed in bed and dreamt about love, and still being wrapped in it, but it wouldn't be real love, and it wouldn't help me get over the fact that I no longer feel as complete as I did two days ago and for the seven months or so that preceded it.

"What do I do now?" I wonder, at this moment. I'm seriously feeing a little bit lost. I'm living my dream and I'm feeling lost, even as things are moving forward and taking shape, I can't figure out what my place is within it, but I'm going to have to keep going on faith, that I was happy and hopeful and certain that where I was when I placed my foot forward to get here, was the place that I wanted to be, right here, right now. Today is the first day of the rest of my life...

I Haven't Stopped, Have You?

So it would appear as though I have given up on this blog...
That is not the case, it is far from it actually...
I've just been doing other things.

Big news. I'm going to be a Godfather soon, for my nephew Gabriel.

I've been preparing for weddings, been to two already in the last month, outside of the city, and I have another two coming up soon.

I've been wanting to improve my health, so I decided I get myself a personal trainer. Is it a waste of money? It is expensive, that much is true, but it is proving to be helpful... I'm investing in myself I say. Purchasing information that I will be able to use for myself, properly, once the sessions are done... Seven more weeks to go...

Another thing is, I put an ad on craigslist in which I'm getting random people (generally aimed at the acting community) to interview me and converse with me on whatever topics they wish. I plan to use some of this for something I'm going to call "Brutally Honest Conversations With Strangers" (working title), and use part of the time to get input on "Gastronomical Disasters", to get the ball rolling on that as well. I put it up yesterday. I have one interview getting set up already from it.

Plant a seed, give it some water, give it some love, watch it grow.

That's where I am right now.

<3

Letter To A Loved One

There is a simple fact I have to come to terms with. I love you, and I am not the only person who is going to be in love with you... Just like you love me, and others are likely going to be in love with me as well... This is something we have to accept about our love, that other people will want it, and that our hearts are big, and we will share our hearts with others, but our love, that special love, will be for just each other, otherwise it is not truly love. It is something I want to do, that I am prepared to do, to trust you, to love you, and it may seem like a simple thing to do, and it can be simple thing to do, but sometimes it can be difficult as well... I read something someone said to you, publicly, affectionately, and through the words of a song, how much they loved you, and longed for your love... It pained my heart somewhat, to see you accept it kindly and openly, because my love, our love, is something that you don't share publicly... You speak frequently, publicly, of your struggles, and of "friends" who help you through them... I know in many of those cases, you speak of me, because I am your friend as well as your lover, but then I wonder how many of these other people, like he who calls you babe, actually knows that you call me love, like all of the people I meet and speak with come to know of how I love you.

I'm A Little Fucking Crazy, Alright?

I am a healthy, fortunate, young man, in a developed opportunity-filled country. I am following my dreams, or at least elements of them, and taking things as they come one day at a time, I'm making progress... The path may not have been so direct as I had imagined taking it, but sometimes currents are powerful and once you take the dive, they take you, and you either swim off to the side and get out, fight to stay afloat, or drown. I am proud of myself for eventually taking the chances that lead me to where I am now, and for making positive changes in my attitude... So why do I sometimes feel like I'm drowning, why do I sometimes find myself pondering the worth of my life and reasons for living? I'm not a king, or a diplomat, nor have I been charged with the responsibility of saving the world and it's people. The only weight on my shoulders is that which I choose to carry... That is the answer actually, as simple as can be, I feel that way because I allow myself to feel that way. We all do it. Why?

That, I don't think I have the answer for, because there are just too many right answers. Fact of the matter is when things are at their best, we tend to expect the worst. So, in that sense, things must be going well for me, because lately I've been thinking some unnecessarily upsetting things...

Luckily, there are just as many solutions...

I figure there are three types of people in the world: 1) People who manifest positive energy. 2) People who manifest negative energy. 3) People who manifest neutral energy. Then there are those from each of the three, which is potentially everyone, who manifest whichever kind of energy they choose given the condition of their spirit, their mood, and their nature, relating to a cornucopia of situations, at any given moment of every day. I consider myself the positive type, as in a majority of the time... That said, I have a lot of negative thoughts. Though I may not allow those thoughts to manifest into reality, and often turn them into positive thoughts, sometimes they can create stress, and depression, and anxiety.

Where is one of these solutions I mentioned? It is within you to discover for yourself...

Here is an example...

You've started a new job and things are going very well. You enjoy what you do and you do it well. You begin to think something irrational like "I don't think my boss likes me, I don't think they're happy with me"... What happens then? Do you feel awkward and make up stories in your head that create an odd tension whenever you're around your boss, or do you tell yourself "It doesn't matter what my boss thinks, I could be wrong, the important thing is that I'm doing my job and I'm doing it well... What can I do however, to be better for myself?" and/or "My boss likes me, maybe things just seem odd because they have having an off day, and I should be mindful of that." ...See where I'm going with this? I hope so because I'm beginning to feel a little lost again.

I was feeling cooped up yesterday. I got home at 6:30am after working out of the city, on set for close to thirteen hours, and slept for only about five hours. Anyway, I was feeling cooped up and someone very close to me pointed out how the last few times she's called me and I've been at home, that I've felt like I've been cooped up. It didn't really occur to me that I felt that way so much until she pointed it out. I've been trying my best to not feel that way. I go to the gym, except when the weather has been crap, which it was yesterday, or I just accept that I feel that way and try to be productive. Once in a while, I'll try to get out and see some friends... Then I started to realize one of the things that has been bothering me. Friends... Or rather, feeling like I don't have any. This is not entirely true... I do have friends, lots of friends, I have some very close friends that I've known for most of my life still... The only problem with those ones is, I see them very rarely, maybe two or three times a year, and communicate with them infrequently. I have other friends, ones whom I see in groups about once a week or every other week on average these days, but then I don't feel a lot of those friends really know a lot about me. They know pieces, but do they know me? Does it matter? They're still good friends... The best friends though, the few that I have, I either don't see much at all, or befriended because they ended up not being very good friends, and were just people who took advantage of me, and others we've lost touch with time. Sometimes that makes me feel like I'm a bad friend, and that I have no best friends... That I don't have many people I feel like I connect with one on one, and it feels lonely.

Then it occurred to me that I feel disconnected. I don't see my family much. I live on my own now and although it is something I need, and enjoy, I no longer have people whose company I enjoy for simple shit like watching shows or discussing creative ideas close by, on a whim. I have a wonderful girlfriend whose company I enjoy more than anything, or maybe as equally as top quality chocolate or a fancy meal with a superb glass of vino, or a great day of work, or a night out with friends and many laughs... Yeah, I enjoy her that much. Sometimes though, I feel inadequate... I wonder why she even likes me. She has so many friends and acquaintances who she admires and respects for their talents and creativity, as they do her. She has these great connections to people, and these connections are things that I feel I am lacking... Am I worrying when I shouldn't be worrying? She tells me she loves me. She shows me she loves me. Am I just looking for problems because I am happy and expect things to go wrong, or do I feel bad for being happy when things in the world aren't so great? Maybe that's it? What can I do though?

What can we do? Maybe seeking professional help is the answer? Maybe I need a therapist? Maybe EVERYONE needs to sit in a circle and share their fears, their joys, their deepest darkest thoughts and secrets, and discover whether or not they are alone. If this happens, people who don't understand another should learn to not be so judgmental, and people who understand but disagree should learn to be compassionate. Maybe some people don't have problems, but I would think most people have questions... Everyone has a different perspective, and answers can often come from the places you least expect them. Why aren't we helping each other on a larger scale?

Fuck, I feel like I'm rambling. I think I just needed to sit at the circle and share. Call me crazy, irrational, call me whatever you wish. I am just being honest.

Anyway... I realize I should touch base with my friends more often. If I feel disconnected I should reconnect myself in some way rather than feel stagnant. So yesterday, I did that. I got together with two friends, played video games, had some pizza, some beer, and even worked a little bit on a project the three of us have been discussing doing, being, making a video game. Baby steps.

To my friends, family, and my love: I appreciate all of you. I probably don't say it enough, and with some maybe not at all. I do value the time we share though, and wish sometimes that there was more time to spend in your company. Sadly, we only have so much time, and many dreams and responsibilities...

To everyone else: Thanks for listening.

Short Story Exercise: Hannah Gets Her Hat Back (Revised)

So, a couple of weeks ago I wrote a short story "Hannah Gets Her Hat Back" as a short exercise, and wrote it in about two and a half hours. I would have spent at least another thirty minutes on it but I had plans that evening and felt like I rushed it near the end. So, I took that story and spent another thirty minutes on it today, this is the result of the revision.

*****

Hannah Gets Her Hat Back

by Michael Francis Torelli

The stone laden wall was built quite high but knelt below the majesty of the trees, of which there were several on each side, branching out close enough to the wall that their leaves mingled together in the breeze, and that one with agility and audaciousness might be able make their way up, over the wall, then down another tree and back again, or so thought Kevin.

Hannah, a woman as beautiful as the most splendid summer season, of which she’d lived to see twenty-seven, stood with the wind blowing her long blonde curls, curiously watching a devilishly handsome stranger dwell on the dynamics of defeating the perceptible deterrent of a wall. She thought perchance his age close to hers.

“I appreciate the offer, but I’m afraid it is lost.” proclaimed Hannah.

“Nonsense, I can see it right there, in those hedges.” pointed Kevin, through the large iron gates that connected two sections of wall surrounding a grand historical building, and several acres of well kept grass, gardens, and hedges, one of which held Hannah’s summer hat captive from whence moments earlier a gust of air removed it from her head and hurled it up over the wall and out of her reach. Kevin, merely passing by, witnessed Hannah’s distress and kindly offered his services in retrieving it.

“Well yes it is there, but we are here, and this wall divides us.” says Hannah.

“A minor detail.” responds Kevin, meandering towards one of the trees.

“You can’t be serious?” she delivers, placing her hand to her hip for emphasis.

“I can be whatever I want, lady, within the realm of reality at least. Having said that, yes, I am quite serious.” says Kevin, touching the tree plotting hand and foot holds.

“Why are you doing this?” asks Hannah, who in her adult years had grown accustom to all sorts of men doting on her, and trying to impress her, which she found amusing as well as annoying, but in this case more than all the others, charmed.

“Because I haven’t climbed anything yet today.”

“You climb something every day then?”

“No, but I believe it is important in life to try new things.” says Kevin, beginning his ascent of the tree with a fair amount of ease.

“Yes, but it looks dangerous. I don’t think you should do it.”

“Well it would be ungentlemanly of me to suggest that you climb wearing a floral summer dress and heels. My parents raised me better than that.”

“Indeed they did.”

“I am living in the moment. Today is the best day in the history of the world. I’d rather die right now without a doubt in my mind that I couldn’t do something I believed in my heart I could.”

“Who said that?”

“I did. There is a possibility that was someone’s famous last words.”

“Could be yours?”

“That’s ridiculous. I’m not famous.”

Hannah explodes into laughter, causing Kevin to stop as he is nearing a set of thick branches that extend out over the top of the wall. “I don’t have a hole in the butt of my pants do I?” questions Kevin.

“No.”

“Made you look.”

“Very funny, monkey man. You’re really good at this you know?”

“The tree is doing most of the work. In fact, I think I could let go and it would hold me in place. Should I try?” says Kevin, releasing an arm from the tree.

“No! Please don’t do that. You’re almost there, don’t fall.”

“Almost? Top of the wall is the half way point, this is more like, one-third.”

“Very true. Just being supportive, you know?”

Kevin begins crossing the outstretched branches toward the wall, when he again stops and diverts his attention to Hannah. “I’m going to go out on a limb here, I’ve got to tell you something...”

“What?” wonders Hannah aloud, her mind ablaze with what might follow.

“Out on a limb, get it?” smiles Kevin.

“Oh my god! Was that it?” smiles Hannah, containing her contagious laughter.

“Not quite.”

“What? Continue, please.” insists Hannah.

“Well earlier, I thought maybe you were slightly pessimistic, but now I’m pretty sure you’re optimistic, and assertive...” says Kevin, starring Hannah directly in the eye.

“And?”

“I like that.” Kevin replies, the both of them smiling amorously. Kevin breaks away and makes his way across the branch, places his feet firmly atop the wall, then shuffles a few steps over towards the branches of a tree that will take him down the other side.

“What is your name?” asks Hannah, totally enamored with her new hero.

“Kevin, Kevin Hannah. Yours?”

“Hannah Smith.”

They both smile and almost laugh a little bit, relishing romanticized thoughts that were they to marry, Hannah would be squared, even though she was every shape Kevin could possibly imagine.

“I’d shake your hand but, I’m up on this wall.” says Kevin, miming the act of shaking hands, then shrugging his shoulders.

“That’s okay. How’s the view from up there?”

“Beautiful.” says Kevin without looking away from Hannah.

“Well now. Its a pleasure to meet you, Kevin.” says Hannah, blushing.

“I am honored, and I’ll be exhausted by the time I get back over this wall.”

“I didn’t ask you to do this you know?” says Hannah, trying not to laugh.

“I know, its a pleasure to do it for you though.”

“Thank-you.”

“Thank-you? I still have to rescue your hat.” says Kevin, crossing the branch.

“Its a rescue now?” says Hannah, intrigued.

“Yes, I heard some squirrels talking about using it for a love nest.”

“Oh no. You better hurry then, please, but carefully!”

“As you wish.” says Kevin, crossing the branch to the tree in record time.

Hannah watches with an ear to ear smile as Kevin jogs towards the hedge where her hat awaits a valiant rescue. She takes note of his athleticism and broad shoulders while indulging thoughts of being in his arms, and entertaining the notion of his reward as he returns to the large iron gate to pass the hat through to her. “Thank-you sir.” she says bashfully, trying to mask any indication that she is lusting for him.

“You’re most welcome.” says Kevin, still holding onto the hat, lost in the endless ocean of Hannah’s blue eyes.

“Have you grown that fond of my hat already?” Hannah asks, coyly, fixed on his sleepy green eyes, wondering if he wanted them to be in a dream state next to hers.

“It is a beautiful hat, so maybe. There’s a little more to it.” replies Kevin, the butterflies in his stomach making him feel as light as air that he could fly over to her.

“Something on your mind?” inquires Hannah, taking a step closer to the gate.

“Yes...” replies Kevin, taking a step closer in tandem with her.

“I am swelling with curiosity to hear about it.” Hannah says, her eyes widening in disbelief of herself and the words forming on her pouty lips.

“Wow. Yes... Will you still be on the other side of this wall waiting for me when I climb back over?” Kevin asks, as if the moments that had unfolded around him were just fictitious creations of his mind he feared might come to an end.

“I will if you want me-”

“-I do.” Kevin interjects, before Hannah can complete her conjecture, smirking at the timing of his words in correlation with hers. He did want her, and now he was certain that she knew it. He releases his hold on Hannah’s hat, and takes a deep breath.

“What will we do?” asks Hannah, blushing yet again.

“I suppose we could just see where the wind takes us.” answers Kevin.

“That sounds delightful.” says Hannah, affixing her hat to hear head. “Hurry back to this side before I lose my nerve, please.”

“I’ll be there before you can say ‘Hannah has her hat back’ one-point-four-seven million times fast, and if you lose your nerve before then, I’ll help you retrieve that too.”

It's Been A While, But...

...I'm getting back to this after a week of not writing. Someone noticed, aside from myself that is. So, what do I have to say for myself? I've been busy!

...I ended up working on the set of Lost Girl again. Great crew, great cast, great experience. People seemed happy to have me back and it looks as though I very likely will be called for more work, being as how it was the first of twenty-two episodes.

...I up with some people I've been meaning to talk to, or spend time with. I'm bad at that sometimes. Sometimes I'm somewhat of a space cadet, caught up in my own mind, which is kind of like space, infinite with possibility, or just expanding, until someday maybe my head or entire body might spontaneously combust. BLAM!

...I went shopping! I bought a new pair of shoes, a nice new formal belt and dress socks, come polo shirts, and several dress shirts. I even bought a miniature frying pan. I'm a damn good shopper. Either that I'm horrible at saving money? I've got to say though, it was nice to buy some clothes that didn't have cartoons or offensive material on the front of them. I am after all growing up. I've got grey hairs to prove it.

...I've shed a couple of tears. It has been an emotional week. I've been working out on a regular basis at the gym. My body is going through changes, somatically working what I don't need out, through  blood, sweat, and tears. All necessary, those things, and this week all for the better. I've dealt with a range of emotions, and not just my own. I've help people temper through their emotional storms, been a good guide as well I think. These things happen, and we need them to happen... Without storms nothing new would grow.

...I've been writing. I wrote a short story "Hannah Gets Her Hat Back" recently, a two pager (which I intend to revisit and expand) that I wrote in two and a half hours (rushing near the end because I was late to meet with someone). Anyway, writing that made me think if doing short story exercises more often and I got into writing something else, which I imagine to reach about thirty pages... I'm at nine. Not so short compared to the last one. This one I'm calling "Everything Is Lemonade". Not based on the blog, not at all. The blogs name actually came from the idea for this story that I let die, and decided to revive. Coincidentally, it is about zombies.

...I got stoned. Yes. With my cousin, who played a great set tonight, for many people including some friends, old and new. There were some pretty decent bands. I was sure to let all of them know it before they left. I was given a demo by one instrumental band that I really enjoyed but insisted on paying for it. Oy. I'm still flying. I haven't been stoned in a while. It is not entirely conducive with going to the gym, eating better, and generally trying to be healthier. It was as I said however an emotional week, and it was the right company for it. I didn't have an anxiety reaction to it (as I have other times, despite it having been an emotional week), I just relaxed, enjoyed music, and good company. I didn't even have a stoned-emotional eating reaction, though I have done a fair share of emotional eating. Chocolate coconut-milk crackle-coated ice-cream, crazy good! Rice crackers and avocado hummus! A bag of Smart Food popcorn! All of that healthy emotional eating, minus the Smart Food ironically.

...It's been a while.

Gloom

:D

The weather outside may be damp and gloomy, but I've got a smile on my face. Why? Why the fuck not? I don't feel down, because things are pretty good. Even if I did feel down though, I would say "FUCK YOU EAT MY POOP BAD DAY YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BRING ME DOWN" and I would smile, because sometimes that is all you need to do to make yourself better, smile it the fuck out! So yeah, I'm staying inside today because my stomach is upset. This is due to the fact that I went to a friend's housewarming/birthday party last night and drank beer. This sadly means I will not go to the gym because it is terribly uncomfortable to run while being extremely gaseous and the possibility of sharting is frighteningly real. I will do with my today as I did with my yesterday before the party, and write write write!!! Yes, today is that kind of day, a writing day.

I hope your day, whatever it is, comes with a smile.

Poetry (4 the insane): Who?

This is a song I wrote lyrics for (a long time ago), but never really figured out the music for, mainly because I play guitar very poorly... So, in a way, it is more like a poem, maybe? You be the judge...

*****

I called a friend the other day when I got home, 

I'd say that he was wasted by the way he sounded on the phone. 

It could have been the way he slurred and sometimes moaned, 

As he carried on I drifted off to thoughts of you with no decline. 

Who’s seen a light that blinds? Who reads between the lines? 

Whose climbed a tree before its leaves decayed and someone died? 

Who blows at the colour red? Who stops and thinks instead? 

Is this for real, who dreams up worlds all inside of their head? 

Well, I know that I do. 

I climbed a mountain and I shouted out your name, 

I know you didn't hear me but I did it twice more anyway. 

Somewhere beneath the stars I wound up on your mind, 

You didn't know the reason but you smiled and just now you know why; 

Nonsense can seem so strange; Frustration numbs the brain, 

Cause I'm not mad it doesn't mean that I'm not truly insane. 

Like monkeys shot to space, I'm dazed but feeling fine, 

If there’s a paper that can prove it, hand it over I'll sign. 

Space monkey was that friend of mine.

I saw a good friend on the weekend that just passed, 

I told her all about you and she warned me that it might not last. 

Not for the reasons I’ve had bad luck with romance, 

It’s just that you seem perfect and for heartbreak I say worth the chance. 

Who eats all by themselves? Who sleeps alone at night? 

When all they had to do was take a chance and roll the dice. 

Who dwells on moments passed? Who sings these lonely songs? 

I thought that love was perfect so I guess that I’ve been proven wrong. 

Now its time to carry on.

I’ve been alone; I would be glad to say, 

I met a girl in this universe that makes me crazy. 

I’ve been hopeful, close so many times, 

Just hopeless when you cross my mind; where is mine? 

I thought about you and it made my knees go weak, 

I only hope that if we meet again I'll have the strength to speak. 

Till then I'll carry on as something I must do, 

Imagining the thrill the day we meet to hear you feel it too. 

When you find love that brings you smiles ear to ear, 

Don't hesitate to hold them close each time you have them near. 

My dream girl passed me by, I fumbled it was lame, 

She's gone and though we barely met I'll never be the same. 

I never even asked her name. 

*****

I went as far as recording a YouTube video of it (a long time ago)... The name of it then however was "I Thought About You"... That may still end up being the name, it does however clash with a series of semi-poems that I wrote that being with "I Thought About You" so, whatever. Check it out, note the extremely long hair!

In other news. My day today was/will be, like this...

Michael wakes up.
Michael gets phone call from past employer asking if he can come in to help.
Michael showers and goes to work.
Michael works well.
Michael goes home.
Michael writes blog.
Michael does some writing.
Michael goes out.
Michael goes to sleep where ever he ends up.

<3

Rule #1: Cardio

I watched "Zombie Land" yesterday, a zom-comedy which I have already seen before and enjoyed enough to purchase on DVD.  In the film, the main character sets up the story of the world of Zombie Land and his life before it, and in it, and one of the running themes of the film is how he stays alive by following a set of rules, one of those rules being CARDIO! "When the outbreak started, for obvious reasons, it was the fatties who were the first to go." I don't want to be zombie lunch, no thank-you. I don't want to be a zombie meal or snack of any sort... Zombie bait? I'd consider it for a good cause. I'm getting WAY off track here though. I realize that zombies are fictional, and that these concerns are irrational, however, ones cardio is still something they should work on. I went to the gym today and did 40 minutes of cardio, the first 30 at 5km/hr, and then I was at 7km/hr by the end. I'm proud of myself.

I'm also proud of myself for buying Zombie Land. Why? I watch a lot of movies online. Working in the industry, I realize that doing this means I am not supporting my fellow filmmakers, so once in a while, I'll buy a couple DVD's even though I could easily just watch movies online.

I'm also proud of myself for booking my first audition at the end of April. Yup... I'm not entirely sure but it appears as though I'm being asked to read for the lead male role, who is described as a kind handsome guy in his early 30's. That sounds like me! I think its still a small part because the story seems to revolved around three girlfriends, but it would be fun either way I think. I'll be sure to blog about that audition and the results of either, whether I get the part or not.

:D

Do 1 Thing: Own It!

No matter what it is you do, own it. OWN, IT. I took a gig yesterday as a 2nd Unit TAD on a Tier A television series filming here in Toronto. For you non-industry people, a TAD is a "Trainee Assistant Director" or a "Trailer Assistant Director", whose responsibilities (aside from dispensing appropriate paperwork to all the necessary people) include being early (seriously), keeping your calm and cool when the shit storm hits the industrial sized fan, and being the line of communication between set, and hair & make-up, and the cast. Essentially, the TAD is a glorified babysitter to the cast. If they need anything, the TAD takes care of it. So, that was it, that was my duty, and I owned it.

Today... What do I do for myself. What is my one thing? Gym? No, I walked a LOT yesterday. Clean up my living space? Yes. Do some writing exercises? Yes. Update my resume and email it to at least one production company or ad on Craigslist... Yes. Done!

Enjoy your day.

Do 1 Thing

Keeping it simple because I've got things to do...
What did I do today to further my goals?
I sat at a coffee shop and edited a script.
I sent out a resume.
I got myself a gig as a daily AD tomorrow on a Tier A television series, Alphas!
Then I made my lady quinoa black-bean chili and watched Community.

End scene.

Do 1 Thing

If you have been reading my blog you might remember my mention a different blog that I follow called "Do 1 Thing", a personal journey about making oneself accountable in taking one (or more) step(s) a day towards achieving their dreams. No? Regardless, pay attention...

I've taken some rather large steps in my recent life. I've joined The Directors Guild of Canada (DGC), to further my goal of being a filmmaker. I've moved to my own apartment where the only personal I have to be responsible for is myself. I also joined a gym to compliment my change of diet, to better my health, body, and mind. These were all rather simple things to do, yet it took me a while with getting around to doing them. Why? Could be that I was allowing myself to be a lazy procrastinator, or I was holding off with concerns of others and how my decisions would affect them, and it is even more likely that I was just scared. I'm in it now though, I've made the first changes, I'm doing. With taking these first steps, with making these changes, comes new challenges, new reflections, and a heightened awareness of time. With all of this new time I've had lately has come lots of thinking, and "Do 1 Thing" is one of the topics that has come to mind. The author is someone who I truly admire and respect, and has already inspired me to start this blog. I still however haven't made myself accountable to it, to my daily challenges, and I feel that because I appreciate their method so much, I might have to imitate it.

I've been thinking a lot about my dreams lately. Not the ones that wash over me nightly while I sleep, but the ones I create for myself and place on a map of my future. I think about how my map must look, the path I've travelled on it, and all of the markers I've pinned to it along the way. I look at the string of markers I'm close to with my dreams of filmmaking and notice that they all branch from one thing, my lost love of acting... It has always been a plan that I would make my own movies and play parts in them, but what of just acting in anything else? I realize I gave up on acting when I lived in Barrie many years ago, because finding an agent, and even doing extra work was just too difficult. I had to take time off work, I had to drive to Toronto, pay for parking, and at the end of the day, I'd be so far in the hole that it didn't make sense anymore, despite it being a lot of fun... Now that I'm living in Toronto, it is something I should have thought to reconsider, but I haven't... Until now.

Today:
I went to the gym.
I sent out resumes for on-set assistant director work.
I sent out emails and head shots for acting work.
Most importantly, I began making myself accountable for my dreams.

<3

Short Story Exercise: Hannah Gets Her Hat Back

The stone laden wall was built quite high but knelt below the majesty of the trees, of which there were several on each side, branching out close enough to the wall that one with agility and audaciousness might be able make their way up, over the wall, then down another tree and back again, or so thought Kevin.

Hannah, a woman as beautiful as the most splendid summer season, of which she’d lived to see twenty-seven, stood with the wind blowing her long blonde curls, curiously watching a devilishly handsome stranger dwell on the dynamics of defeating the perceptible deterrent of a wall. She thought perchance his age close to hers.

“I appreciate the offer, but I’m afraid it is lost.” proclaimed Hannah.

“Nonsense, I can see it right there, in those hedges.” pointed Kevin, through the large iron gates that connected two sections of wall surrounding a grand historical building, and several acres of well kept grass, gardens, and hedges, one of which held Hannah’s summer hat captive from whence moments earlier a gust of air removed it from her head and hurled it up over the wall and out of her reach. Kevin, merely passing by, witnessed Hannah’s distress and kindly offered his services in retrieving it.

“Well yes it is there, but we are here, and this wall divides us.” says Hannah.

“A minor detail.” responds Kevin, meandering towards one of the trees.

“You can’t be serious?” she delivers, placing her hand to her hip for emphasis.

“I can be whatever I want, lady, within the realm of reality at least. Having said that, yes, I am quite serious.” says Kevin, touching the tree plotting hand and foot holds.

“Why are you doing this?” asks Hannah, who in her adult years had grown accustom to all sorts of men doting on her, and trying to impress her, which she found amusing as well as annoying, but in this case more than all the others, charmed.

“Because I haven’t climbed anything yet today.”

“You climb something every day then?”

“No, but I believe it is important in life to try new things.” says Kevin, beginning his accent of the tree with a fair amount of ease.

“Yes, but it looks dangerous. I don’t think you should do it.”

“Well it would be ungentlemanly of me to suggest that you climb wearing a floral summer dress and heels. My parents raised me better than that.”

“Indeed they did.”

“I am living in the moment. Today is the best day in the history of the world. I’d rather die right now without a doubt in my mind that I couldn’t do something I believed in my heart I could.”

“Who said that?”

“I did. There is a possibility that was someone’s famous last words.”

“Could be yours?”

“That’s ridiculous. I’m not famous.”

Hannah explodes into laughter, causing Kevin to stop as he is nearing a set of thick branches that extend out over the top of the wall. “I don’t have a hole in the butt of my pants do I?” questions Kevin.

“No.”

“Made you look.”

“Very funny, monkey man. You’re really good at this you know?”

“The tree is doing most of the work. In fact, I think I could let go and it would hold me in place. Should I try?” says Kevin, releasing an arm from the tree.

“No! Please don’t do that. You’re almost there, don’t fall.”

“Almost? Top of the wall is the half way point, this is more like, one-third.”

“Very true. Just being supportive, you know?”

Kevin begins crossing the outstretched branches toward the wall, when he again stops and diverts his attention to Hannah. “I’m going to go out on a limb here, I’ve got to tell you something...”

“What?” wonders Hannah aloud, her mind ablaze with what might follow.

“Out on a limb, get it?” smiles Kevin.

“Yes! What? Continue, please.” smiles Hannah.

“Well earlier, I thought maybe you were slightly pessimistic, but now I’m pretty sure your optimistic, and assertive...” says Kevin, starring Hannah directly in the eyes.

“And?”

“I like that.” Kevin makes his way across the branch and places his feet firmly atop the wall, shuffling a few steps over towards the branches of a tree that will take him down the other side.

“What is your name?” asks Hannah, totally enamored with her new hero.

“Kevin, Kevin Hannah. Yours?”

“Hannah Smith.”

They both smile and almost laugh a little bit, relishing romanticized thoughts that were they to marry, Hannah would be squared.

“I’d shake your hand but, I’m up on this wall.”

“That’s okay. How’s the view from up there?”

“Beautiful.” says Kevin without looking away from Hannah.

“Well now. Its a pleasure to meet you, Kevin.”

“Easy for you to say, I’ll be exhausted by the time I get back over this wall.”

“I didn’t ask you to do this you know?” says Hannah, trying not to laugh.

“I know, its a pleasure to do it for you though.”

“Thank-you.”

“Thank-you? I still have to rescue your hat.” says Kevin, crossing the branch.

“Its a rescue now?”

“Yes, I heard some squirrels talking about using it for a love nest.”

“Oh no. You better hurry then, please, but carefully!”

“As you wish.” says Kevin, crossing the branch to the tree in record time.

Hannah watches with an ear to ear smile as Kevin jogs towards the hedge where her hat awaits a valiant rescue, and entertains thoughts of his reward as he returns to the large iron gate to pass it through to her.

“Thank-you sir.”

“You’re most welcome.” says Kevin, still holding onto the hat.

“Have you grown fond of my hat already?”

“It is a beautiful hat, so maybe.”

“Something on your mind?”

“Yes... Will you still be on the other side of this wall when I climb back over?”

“I don’t know... Will I?”