Jump

If you are perched on the ledge of a tall building right now, contemplating the meaning of life, for some reason reading my blog, then do not comply with the title of today's post. Life might kick you square in the teeth sometimes, or shatter your fragile heart and mind to pieces without warning, but it IS worth living.

A week ago today was maybe one of the best-worst days of my life. Life, as it is, is full of moments that challenge our integrity, our values, our minds, and our hearts, and this day I speak of wasn't short of either four those challenges. My relationship, the longest one I've had to date, which I had considered the healthiest, tenderest, most honest one I've ever had, ended. It was an amicable parting of ways... It was very loving. It was very real. I equate it to jumping out of a plane, which I did four weeks ago. It didn't feel like what it was... I was falling, but it felt like I was flying. One week ago today... I was falling apart inside, but it felt like I was growing. There was an intensity I cannot describe, because I felt like I was in a state of zen, or just overcome with a bewilderment that overwhelmed every other sense in my being that I had no capacity to feel anything else. I was simply amazed at the beauty and honesty that is life.

Jump. What does that mean to me in this moment? It means the same thing it did when I started on the path to pursuing my dreams. We're given opportunities in life to challenge ourselves, to grab onto the tail end of a storm that will hurl us around without compassion or sympathy and possibly leave us hurt, confused, or broken. The goal of course is to succeed, to triumph over fear and adversity, but unless we jump, the only thing we'll be left with is assumptions of what might have been. I've been jumping a lot lately, and why not? We can either jump, or we can continue to dream on...

I'm going to make the best of this month. I'm going to continue jumping... This month hasn't started off so great, but I can make it the best month I've ever had if I persevere through the storm, the waves of emotion, and sail out of it towards something better. I can already say I'm happy with where my life is going, and that I'm pleased to have experienced everything that has happened in the last few weeks the way I have. I've lost a great love, but held onto a dear friend. I've rekindled old friendships and passions. I am creating my life with my own hands. I know what I want, and I am putting it out in the universe. The stars are shining brightly for me.

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