I'm Not Dead

This is me living. Updates to follow...

No Excuses

Today's blog is going to be lightly peppered with excuses, despite the title. I haven't blogged in a while... I haven't jogged in a while either... I haven't flogged for even longer than the two of those put together come to think of it... I have however, snogged, and have been frequently for the last little while, but my personal life is none of your business, is probably not of any interest, and yet I am still going to share it with you anyway. That is what I do.

Re: Blogging...

"Everything is Lemonade" was originally created as a means for self encouragement and forced productivity. It did, and is (currently at a slower pace) still doing that, aiding my productivity, evolving my work habits, so in that case, mission success! So what, I haven't updated for some time, and haven't really worked on ANY of the projects mentioned (with the exception of the video game). I have been busy. Between finding a new place to live (found!) and working on the game (a learning experience), looking for a new film gig to move onto (pending), and spending time with the girlfriend (snogging), there hasn't been much other time.

Re: Jogging...

I was, for a short while, some months not too far in the past, jogging four times a week, often first thing in the morning, or on occasion immediately after work. This was working out great for me. I have through the winter failed to keep this going... I am eating healthier, and going out for walks, and from time to time I spend 15-30 minutes on a step-machine while watching DVD's, but that however, is nothing like jogging. I aim to remedy this, soon.

Re: Flogging...

My brother and I, when we were younger, used to have pain endurance tests where we would lash each other across the arms and back with bamboo sticks. Why? We thought we were tough apparently (read: I factually am). I don't get kicks out of beating people however, or from being beaten for that matter, but on a smaller scale, I do like administering and receiving good spank or a bite once in a while... What?

Re: Snogging...

Slang for: kissing, making-out, swapping spit, lapping lips, sucking face, etc... You should try it some time.

The Games We Play

Video games. I used to play them quite a lot. I would spend countless hours in front of my large screen television with my Xbox, playing Halo or Call of Duty 4 online, mercilessly laying a beat-down to all who challenged me. Years before that, it was far worse, for a span of two years I survived on maybe three hours of sleep a night, and seven hours a day of online PC gaming a game called Half-Life (Team Fortress Classic) for which I was the leader of a clan. Now, if you're unfamiliar with what a clan is, think the KKK, except we only murdered people from other clans, and only within the game... Err, I feel like somewhat of a shit for stating it that way? Oh well, fuck it. I was like the Tyler Durden of online gaming. I controlled the lives of about fifty people. To some, I was a friend, to others, a father figure, and to most, a roll model. What we were, in a strange disconnected way, was a family. My clan, within two weeks of becoming a formal clan, was becoming recognized by the top five online gaming clans in the world... This was due mostly to my ethics and rules of conduct which I strictly expected followed. It took a lot of mental energy, and a lot of time, being a leader, a top-notch gamer, and roll model... It all took a toll on my health though, after two years, and I eventually gave it up, the clan life, and then eventually, even the casual online gaming...

What was the point of that story, which I have only explained in minor detail, aside from the fact that I am a complete nerd? Well, I am getting to that. I really enjoyed playing video games, especially of the multiplayer sort, because I was good at them. I am/was almost what you might call and idiot-savant. Put a controller in my hand, teach me the basics, and I'll probably kick your ass. For reals, yo. Anyway... Just recently, being within the last few months, I've been spending time with two new friends, one whom I met through the other, whom I met from dating his girlfriend's cousin whom I will say was bad news for me, she was extremely horrible for me, like, worse than all the years of gaming combined... These friends, a social science student who programs video games as a part-time lucrative hobby, and an accomplished brilliant musician, asked me if I would join them last night at an event where several teams who participated in a twenty-four hour video game challenge were presenting their games to gaming type people... The reason they asked me to join being that, one night, while catching up over a couple of pints, we discussed the possibility of working together to create video games, with me as a writer. So, I went, and I was brought back to a place in my past, where I remembered what it was to be a hardcore gamer. Now, I will not return to the lifestyle, but being involved on the creative end of something I once loved doing to pass time, well, it puts a smile on my face.

:D

There, that is me with a smile on my face. So, as I move forward with my creative projects, I find that I am adding new ones to the table. Expect to get updates on these as well...

Poetry (4 the insane): Circles

Here is one that I wrote thinking of it more like a song than a poem.
Perhaps one day it will be a song, but for now, its just a poem.

Circles

Oh how I love the way you glide on air, even as you're leaving me.

Your curves, slipping from my hands, into the clutch of another man.

I doubt he'll spin you like I did; frankly I don't give a damn...

Gone like the wind.

I know you'll come right back to me, and I'll catch you when you fall.

These games we play, we play them together.

These games we play, can go on forever.

We went back to the house; you sat on the couch silently.

You want to go back out, somewhere there is an open breeze.

We stay, I'd lose you in the dark, the sun sets on the afternoon.

In one day we'll see the park, we'll picnic and sing broken tunes.

Its time for bed.

These games we play, we play them together.

These games we play, can go on forever.

I had a glorious dream; I thought of it fondly and buttered my toast.

That day that I found you by the coast.

Nothing that is ever lasts, oh God no.

Look out for that dog; he caught you in a pass.

It's running real far, biting down hard, and moving too fast.

I hope it gets hit by a truck or car, or crushed violently by a falling star.

I want my Frisbee back.

Dear Stereotype: Cosplay Nerd

Your name was Jake, you were carrying a better than decent replica of Luke Skywalker's lightsaber waiting for friends four hours early for the midnight showing of The Phantom Menace 3D. I was waiting for a friend to arrive as I was holding tickets for a showing of Robocop, so I sat reading a volume of The Walking Dead when I noticed you in my peripheral vision looming ominously about. I barely turned my head in recognition and you saw an opportunity to begin a conversation, and so you did...

High-Pitched Voice Stranger
"So you like comics?"

Me

"Yeah, I read once in a while."

Same Pubescent Stranger

"Are you more of a Marvel or D.C. comic nerd?"

Still Me

"Neither really, I like them both, I'm just following *this* series right now."

*The Walking Dead - IMAGE comics*

Cosplaying-Voice Cracking-Talkative Stranger

"Do you do cosplay, or maybe go to any comic-con conventions or other nerd type stuff like that, I do, I'm totally all about that kind of stuff. I'm a nerd."

Me (No Longer Reading)

"I go to the occasional comic-con."

He was very talkative, hyper talkative even, I found it difficult to keep up with him, but I did, I had no reason to brush him off, he was being sincere and just seemed lonely. He shared information about his favorite blogs on movie, television, and video game reviews, he shared his dreams about working in film and making monster movies, as he had been working on one for two years to date with some friends, using a USB video camera. We talked about special effects, I suggested some film programs he could look into, and it went on and on... We talked about Back to the Future, Dinosaurs, Disneyland and Universal Studios, we... well he, talked quite a lot, very very much. My friend showed up and was astounded at the amount of words that came out of Jake's mouth in such a short period of time. Good kid, that Jake...

My message to you, the Cosplay Nerd... I salute your dedication to your passion. I commend your boldness in approaching complete strangers and initiating conversation. When I got finally got home some time around midnight, while you and your friends were beginning to totally geek out, I crawled into bed with my girlfriend and told her all about my day, and about you. She said that she hopes the best for you in life, and asked if I thought you would have trouble meeting a girl, and I told her I thought you would be absolutely fine. I would hope that at some point in your cosplaying or comic-con adventuring, that you apply that same social nature you showed with me, and use it to click with someone you can share nerdy delights with for the rest of your life. I hope that, because there is a nerd in me who at your age wanted the same thing. You know, I hear these radio spots about people doing good things for other people, and one of them says that people should be more like dogs, not in the crotch sniffing, face licking aspect, but in regards to how they assume most people are friendly... Well, I can agree with that, but I think more people should be like you, Jake, like nerds, because all nerds ever do is get passionate about creative and intellectual things that they enjoy sharing with other people.

I write this message with a smile on my cheeks, love in my heart, and a healthy meal in my belly. I wish the same to any and all who grace these pages.

<3

Wednesdays: Not Completely Determined

Wow, holy crap. I slept (or at least stayed in bed) for NINE hours this morning. Yup, in bed by midnight, up and moving around at nine. That is not entirely like me. I often only sleep about five or six hours. Anything more than eight is pushing it. I find that if I sleep any more than that, I end up feeling lethargic and headachy. I might feel like a little bit of those two things right now, but I'm going to kick it. Rather, I'm going to punch the day in the face and get out right away.
First on the check-list: LAUNDRY! Laundromats won't be so occupied today, so I can get machines and read comfortably. Second on the check-list: PINTS! I'm going to catch up with some friends I haven't seen in a while. I haven't had a beer in over thirty-five days, since the cleanse/detox... I'll get drunk on two pints (just a guess). I might have jumped well ahead on the check-list... I have some things to fill my time between. One of those things is that I have to start making my "Gastronomical Disasters" phone calls. For this, I'll be video recording myself talking to people on the phone, gathering ideas for the show. Another thing I must do today... Drawing a blank right now. I think that is all I had planned.
SO, let me think what else I need to do, even if it is thought to be a no brainer... Things To Do: Eat (yes, the standard breakfast, lunch, and dinner), Shower (cleanliness of the body promotes cleanliness of the mind, not to say my mind will be less dirty, because it won't), Exercise (preferably before I shower, though I could shower twice, I would rather schedule them in a time saving order), Breathe (yes, we do this without thought, but sometimes focussed breathing or "meditating" is extremely useful),  Write (doing that right now, but writing later, would make me feel even more productive, more accomplished, so I'll do that)... What else? PIMP MY BLOG! You to can pimp my blog. Share it with your friends. Right now. Go go go!!!

Poetry (4 the insane): Jimmy

Jimmy

Jimmy didn't want to sleep,

For weeks escaping bed,

Until one day his eyes grew legs,

Then crawled out of his head.

They thought that in the darkness,

That tired he'd soon be,

Still Jimmy tried to stay awake,

Although he couldn't see.

He walked around in circles,

To resist the land of dreams,

Till his restless legs decided,

To tear themselves from the seams.

They thought with failing motion,

That slumber would prevail,

Still Jimmy tried to stay awake,

By crawling like a snail.

He used his arms to drag himself,

Refusing still to lay,

Then his arms ripped each other out,

To go their separate way.

They thought that by disarming him,

His persistence would unwind,

Still Jimmy tried to stay awake,

By singing out his mind.

He sung out with conviction,

So deprivation would not take,

Till his self severed bloody tongue,

Slithered off just like a snake.

His ears and nose soon followed,

In hopes that sleep would come,

Though Jimmy tried to stay awake,

He finally did succumb.

When Jimmy woke soon after,

It was with ill surprise,

The whole ordeal was just a dream,

So he rested his dreary eyes.

He didn't even notice,

The murderer at his room's door,

Jimmy fell right back asleep,

Then slept forevermore.