Forgive the format (script writing types), it's the best I could do converting Final Draft to Blogger.
INT. A ROOM OF SOME SORT
Two men sitting side by side, somewhat apart, half-turned to each other, facing the camera.
MICHAEL
I would like to talk with you about drugs.
NIGEL
(excitedly)
I’m listening!
MICHAEL
The non-recreational type.
NIGEL
(less enthusiastic)
Oh...
MICHAEL
If you will, consider just for a
moment the following proposal...
NIGEL
Please, continue...
MICHAEL
First, bear in mind... According to
leading drug researchers,
approximately 92 of 100 drugs that
pass animal trials fail during the
human clinical trial phase.
NIGEL
For real!?
MICHAEL
Yes. This massive failure rate is
typical for animal experiments,
because even though animals feel
pain and suffer like we do, they...
Would you care to guess?
NIGEL
Their systems often react
completely differently to drugs and
diseases than a human’s would?
MICHAEL
Precisely.
NIGEL
Makes sense to me.
MICHAEL
Secondly, it’s estimated that the
cost of research and development
for launching one single drug is
somewhere in the area of eight-
hundred million dollars.
NIGEL
What!?
MICHAEL
I know, right?
NIGEL
How many new drugs are launched in a year?
MICHAEL
A little over 100 thus far in 2014.
NIGEL
Over eighty billion dollars!?
MICHAEL
With a 92% failure rate.
NIGEL
That’s an appalling, almost
criminal waste of money!
MICHAEL
Segueing to a third note, totally
unrelated to drugs and the
development thereof, is this... A
single criminal in a maximum
security prison costs taxpayers
upwards of two-hundred thousand
dollars per year, and in 2013 the
federal prison system’s expenses
landed somewhere around 2.7 billion
dollars, with expectations of
surpassing those numbers in 2014.
NIGEL
Are you suggesting what I think
you’re suggesting?
MICHAEL
Free ice-cream Fridays?
NIGEL
Yes!
MICHAEL
No, sorry.
NIGEL
Damn...
MICHAEL
What I’m asking is, why test drugs
and other products on animals when
the world is overpopulated with so
many useless humans?
NIGEL
Don’t all humans, even the useless
ones, have rights?
MICHAEL
Sadly, yes. Criminals can take away
the rights of others, making
victims of the family and friends
of the innocent lives they violate,
and go on to live healthier, and
more comfortable lives than many
upstanding, hardworking taxpayers.
NIGEL
That’s not fair!
MICHAEL
No, especially when cost of
maintaining violent criminals in
overcrowded jails is so high, and
could easily be privatized by drug
research and development companies
who needlessly waste billions of
dollars on animal trials that fail
in the human clinical trial phase.
NIGEL
As you previously stated.
MICHAEL
Reiteration is important.
NIGEL
So, you think drug and product
testing should be done on humans?
MICHAEL
Listen, if what you’re making is
for animals, loyal and loving
companions to humans, then test
those on animals, but if you’re
working on anything for humans, use
humans. They did it during the Cold
War, and look at the advancements
that came from that!
NIGEL
That would save a lot of animals!
MICHAEL
Yes, more pets, or food, whatever
your heart desires.
NIGEL
Animals are delicious...
MICHAEL
Yes, and criminals are vicious.
NIGEL
Imagine what could be done with the
billions of dollars saved!
MICHAEL
Yes, think for the sake of society.
NIGEL
So, murders, pedophiles, mimes?
MICHAEL
What good are they doing us?
NIGEL
Do you really think it could work?
MICHAEL
Honestly? If they cut up their
brains, maybe they’ll find ways to
detect and cure those kinds of behaviors?
NIGEL
That’s, disturbing.
MICHAEL
Worse than that, in the long run my
friend, the spike in efficient drug
testing will likely result in
humans living beyond their expected
years, increasing the world
population to where we can no
longer sustain ourselves. Supply
verses demand, it’s simple math,
and already a global concern anyway.
NIGEL
So???
MICHAEL
We’re fucked either way.
NIGEL
Oh...
Both men ponderously look away with slight concern...
Comments? I'd like to hear them... Really.
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