Something New, Something Else...

It is Thursday morning. I am awake after having not really slept in... I don't often get enough sleep, and when I have the opportunity to sleep in, well I don't always take that either. I heard it said on some sort of television program by some sort of scientific researcher that it is not really possible to "catch up" on lost sleep... I know a lot of people that would argue that. They'd say "Dude, I slept for an extra few hours last night and I feel MUCH better"... Seriously? Of course you would, you didn't sleep enough for the few days preceding it, your body was tired, but you didn't undo the lack of sleep from the days before. Think of it this way... The sleep that you didn't get, was in the past... You can't catch up to the past, it has to catch up to you... Anyway, it is Thursday morning, and I am awake after having not really slept in...

My arms are sore, still, from Tuesday. My personal trainer really had me do a number on myself... This is the first time I've been this sore from one of my sessions. My arms are so tight right now I could deflect bullets... I hope not to prove that however. I am okay with the pain, it is a good pain... My heart (oh woe is me) is still a little bit sore, but also much stronger at the moment... My relationship did fall apart last week, but it came back together. The friendship part of it has grown, and the relationship part of it, well, is still somewhat fragile... Whatever happens at this point, whether it hurts or not, like my strength training, will be for the better. I'll just have to take chances and hope for the best...

Speaking of chances, I'm going to be jumping from an airplane in four weeks... August 11th. I'll be strapped to a professional because they don't let amateurs jump on their own for a free fall, which would be awesome, but it will still be a great live experience, even if there is a possibility that it will be the last thing I experience. I of course hope that it won't be the last thing I experience! There are many great experiences that life has to offer... My advice to you, is to jump at them whenever you get the chance.

<3

Dreaming Life Away

I wanted to stay in bed today. I wanted to sleep. Dreamland is the place where I can be anyone I want to be and go anyplace I wish to go, and it doesn't cost anything at all... I decided I would get out of bed though. Why? Well, as much as I consider myself a dreamer, I'm quite realistic, and I know that the only thing staying in bed alone will result in is me becoming extremely lethargic and slightly more depressed. That aside, my life outside of the comfort of my bed is actually quite good, and I don't want to let it pass with my head nuzzled into a pillow.

"How is it good?" I had to ask myself this morning at that moment I considered dragging myself out of bed... You know, it wasn't that easy to think about. I thought about all of the fantastical projects I want to work on, all of the things I want to create, some of which keep bouncing around in limbo and might some day be lost with my mind forever, and others that are slowly materializing, and I realized that creating for myself is something that wasn't the most important thing to me... I realized that what I've always wanted to do the most was help other people create, to be a muse, and to be immersed in social circles where I could thrive with creative people, and I'm very much doing that with my life. I'm living part of my dream... That I thought, is awesome. That I thought, was a great reason to get out of bed. I can be a muse, and I can even create something for myself, or do something good for myself today with my free time. So, I got out of bed...

"How could it be better?" I had to ask myself as my feet touched down on the floor... This was even more difficult. I thought I knew how it could be better, the answer was simple, I could be in love... Fact of the matter is, I am in love, and am loved in return it would seem, but it is over now. I've never missed someone's face so much, and have been so emotional sporadically through the day... It has only been two days since my relationship ended but it feels like much longer. I could have stayed in bed and dreamt about love, and still being wrapped in it, but it wouldn't be real love, and it wouldn't help me get over the fact that I no longer feel as complete as I did two days ago and for the seven months or so that preceded it.

"What do I do now?" I wonder, at this moment. I'm seriously feeing a little bit lost. I'm living my dream and I'm feeling lost, even as things are moving forward and taking shape, I can't figure out what my place is within it, but I'm going to have to keep going on faith, that I was happy and hopeful and certain that where I was when I placed my foot forward to get here, was the place that I wanted to be, right here, right now. Today is the first day of the rest of my life...